Future Admin Angst

Here's the problem: I aspire to be a school administrator. I've completed my admin program. I've done hundreds of hours of practicum experiences. I've immersed myself in courses, books, and workshops to shape what type of administrator I'll be. I've dreamed about places and ways that I might serve. But now I have to interview and land that first job.

I guess I could choose to only look at the up-side of things. I have applied for three admin jobs and I've interviewed three times. So, I'm batting a thousand, right? On the other hand, I have not been chosen as one of the two or three finalists either time and now I'm wrestling with a persistent, bothersome angst in my gut and speaking out of the shadowy corners of my mind.

Where do I go from here? What am I doing wrong? What can I do better? How can I improve my interviewing skills? How am I going to convince someone (usually a whole group of someones) that I really am the next great person that they want to hire? When will I get another chance? What should I do now to stay sharp or get sharper? How do I overcome my quiet nature and shine brighter?

Here are some things I'm reflecting on after three interviews: First, I don't really like the interview process. Oh, I don't mind the dressing up, the meeting folks face-to-face, or even the questions thrown at me. It's just that it's all one-sided communication after they pose each pre-formulated query. There is no back-and-forth, no dialogue (would I be out of line if I asked questions back to my interviewers in an attempt to engage them?). I generally give thoughtful, but succinct responses and then catch myself wondering if I've said enough, if I've gone where they wanted with my response, or if I need to expound more on the brief things I've said. All I can do is try to read their faces and other non-verbal signs to see how I'm doing. I've wished that someone would cue me somehow with comments like, "yes, tell me more about that",or "what else might you do?" or "that's good, but we are actually wanting to know more about. . ."

My second reflection is that some people are probably interviewing better than I am, even when I might be able to do a better job serving in the position. I have a quiet confidence in my decision-making, skill-set, experiences, and work ethic; but I'm thinking that some others - the chosen "finalists" - must know how to talk a better game. I don't mind saying that there are some things I simply don't know enough about yet (and that I will learn by asking colleagues, experts, or through experience). But there are other things that I'm pretty confident about and know I can do well. Somehow I've got to learn how to paint a more complete picture of who I am.

And finally, I'm becoming more aware that I do have some holes in my experience; I have a certain naivete as one who hasn't yet served full-time as a school administrator. This is partly due to the set of practicum experiences I've been allowed to have (I've been welcomed to take over lots of supervisory duties, but seldom pulled in on the big inside things like expulsion hearings or FTE cuts). I hope to get future opportunities to sub in high school buildings - which should help. And I suppose some things will just be learned once I'm on the job.

Thanks for letting me share my personal frustration here. If anyone reads this, you're catching some of the wrestling match going on in my heart and mind as I hopefully move forward to my next administrator interview and ultimately a place to serve in my first admin job!